The Toddler Years Are Here

According to pediatricians, toddlerhood begins at 1 year of age or when a child is walking. Andrina is neither 1 year old (2 weeks to go!) and is not walking yet. But as far as my own opinion goes, she is no longer an infant, she is a toddler. Here's why I belive that my daughter is already a toddler:

1. She has already shown the independent/dependent ambivalance.

2. She has begun whining.

3. She has begun whining/screaming.

4. She threw her first "temper tantrum" (although it was quite mild and short) today.

So, today I myself cried like a baby. Or was that the anger of a toddler? I cried because I knew with her temper tantrum today, that her baby days are gone. Oh Andrina, how I have loved your infancy. I loved it so and really, really wished it would never end. Besides you being so tiny and incredibly cute as a baby (of course you are still BEAUTIFUL), what I loved most about it was the closeness we shared since I provided everything you needed. You needed me so much but now you are going to grow more indepenent and I am so scared that you will someday not need me at all and I will lose you. So many times I held you, cuddled you and you were content just to be in my arms. I know that with each of those moments, I wanted to freeze time and just cuddle you for all eternity. Now you need to learn and explore your world and I need to let you have that as you can handle it. And with that comes all the dangers that you were never exposed to while in my arms. How many times will you fall down and cry while trying to walk? How many times will there be something that can potentially harm you around? I have babyproofed my home to the max but you cannot spend the rest of your life inside our home and I know there will be times when you will get hurt nonetheless. Everytime I learn of something awful that happens to a child I beg God for that to never happen to you. Our world is such a dangerous place filled with horrible people, accidents, natural disasters and the idea that you could suffer from anything fills me with such pain and dread that I cannot describe. I love you so intensely that I cannot imagine my life without you in it. I cannot ever let anything ever harm you but there is no real way I can guarantee that. Everything that your toddler years will bring: whining, screaming, temper tantrums, potty-training, all of that will be in-the-moment frustration for me. And there will be times when I will want to have someone else deal with that when they arise and I will be frustrated and want to escape. But it is the dangers that you will be exposed to and your growing independence that really make me dread this phase of your life. So I have verbalized it and I own it. I will cheer you on with all of your accomlishments and help you to achieve more while all the time loving and cherishing you. Let's make a deal, I will do all of that for you and I need you to always be safe and love me and need me, ok?