Andrina went to school for the second time today and she had an incredibly hard time. I dropped her off at 8:30 and came back a little before 11:30 to check on her. When I got there, she was crying. Her little face was red and there were many tears. How she clung to me when she saw me. I had to sit on the floor and hold her right then and there. Her teachers said that she had been crying on and off this morning. I was able to calm Andrina down except she started crying again when she thought I was leaving. I got there right before lunch so I helped Andrina to her chair at the table and she was still clinging to me. I ended up having to sit next to her at the table with 8 other toddlers while they ate their lunches. Andrina was ok to eat provided that I was there with her. She ate all of her food and drank most of her milk. Towards the end I tried to leave but that brought on more tears! So I decided that I would take her home for her nap and bring her back after it.
So I brought her back at 3:00, when nap time is definitely over with for the kiddos in her class at school so as not to wake them up. Andrina did not want to go into her classroom but her teacher took her and held her and that helped. I decided to leave otherwise there would be more tears. When I picked her up at 5:00 her teachers let me know that she did so much better in the afternoon. So much that she was not clinging on to her bear the entire time, so that is progress. However, when she saw me she called me and held her arms out to me. How could I have ever thought the other day that she was rejecting me? Andrina still really needs me. She is still a baby at heart and needs her momma.
The truth is, I need her. I missed her so much when she was at school today and Wednesday. Everywhere I went in our house, I pictured Andrina there with me. Playing with her toys in the family room, taking cans out of the pantry, taking my shoes out of the closet in my bedroom, playing with toys by my computer, looking at all of her books in her bedroom. I've come to the conclusion that I simply don't know how I lived so much of my life without her. She is the center of my universe and I am completely in love with her. Taking care of her everyday does not even seem like work. Realistically it can be difficult to manage errands and household stuff with meals, naps, and her play. But I love being with her. Whether we're at home or at a park or the children's museum or whatever outing we're on. I guess today I'm questioning whether or not she should have started part-time school just yet. Maybe I should have waited until she was 18 months or 2 years old? I know it's good for her development and now I know I need it for my own development. I can't be with her 24/7 forever but the two days she's been at school I've missed her terribly. I'm hoping that it will get easier for both of us as we get more used to it. That Andrina will enjoy it like she did the first day and I will remember that I had a full life before I became a mom. That there is so much I can do by myself that is important for me to do again. Like studying. Like going to the gym more frequently. Like reading more. And I sure deserve a trip to a day spa too. Maybe this will get easier for me as Andrina acclimates more to school. I hope so because as much as I would love to stay like this with her forever, just the way she is now, I can't have that.
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1 comment:
It might get easier as time goes on but here's a thought: Andrina will go off to school for good when she's 3 years old. She'll then go to school almost on a daily basis for the next 15 years. You only have 2 more years until you have to send her off. Just a thought for you on if it's "worth it" to send her now. Also, she is only 16 (?) months so honestly there is not much she can be learning because she simply does not have an attention span or the capacity to learn in a classroom setting. What she is getting, however, is different experiences you can't or haven't been able to give her yet-interaction w/ lots of other toddlers, and other creative things the teachers are trained to do. If her getting interaction w/ others and you getting time alone are the main reasons she's going , she can get those different ways too. you can join other classes through your park district or another facility (a gymnastics place or gymboree, etc.) and she'll get her interaction there. The recommendation is 2 hours a day 2 days a week for interaction w/ other kids. So you could easliy get that through classes alone. As far as you getting time alone perhaps you and Tom can work out a better schedule-every day from 4pm to 6 pm, he takes her-no matter what-and you get time alone-to do work or go out. Or maybe you hire someone to come in 2x a week for 4-6 hours a day to give you time to get stuff done. Just trying to help you think outside the box on other ways to meet your goals if you decide to take her out of daycare.
love you big sis.
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